The Story Of Zero

And so it was, that on an extremely uncomfortable summer evening, an indian yogi in the streets of takshila was chasing away the flies that came in droves, in part due to the fantastic aroma that his body emanated after years of not having made his acquaintance with the bathing ghat and in part to eat away the caked up dirt from his body and to earn enough punyam to be born as something better than a fly in the next life.
And so it was,That a dog had after a long and lazy afternoon decided to do what the yogi hadn't done in years-personal grooming- which as any observant pet owner would know, involves the meeting of both the appertures of the body through which food is processed; and in doing so caught the yogi's eye and his attention,since he didn't understand the reason for this utterly strange behaviour, being to him a glorification, by the dog, of its own mortal body,which the yogi thought reflected so aptly on the society of his day, which had given itself to bacchanalian excesses since these strangely attractive greeks had shown up-an utterly telling demonstration of conspicuous consumption,going in one way and coming out the other and reentering the cycle again until it became poiintless like the unending cycles of life and death.

And so it was, that the yogi traced the symbol of his spiritual catharsis in the sand in front of him, repeating it again and again until it became second nature to him to trace this symbol of all pointless pursuits in life, telling him how nothing was indeed everything and indeed everything was nothing, which he kept chanting and tracing so that one day the world would know how he had derived the essence of spirit- nothingness- from the dog's pursuit of evrythingness, due to which he failed to notice the fact that he had gathered a staunch secretive cabal of devotees, who had gathered around him to follow him in this most recondite of spiritual pursuits, who in turn had failed to notice that he had died in the meanwhile and so had a few hundred generations of spiritually inclined young men and women who through their lifelong dedication had kept alive the flame of this secret knowledge.

And so it happened that the dirty emaciated Hindus were defeated and exterminated from the hindu kush which left the holders of the great secret knowledge in great peril, so they decided to bathe and grow a beard ,which would allow them to become muslims and live in peace while they practiced the secret knowledge of the nothingness circle, all the while fooling the blood thirsty ululating muslim hordes into believing that they were converted, which they were not, but that did not escape the notice of the arab religious police who noticed strange circles appearing in the sand all the time where kafirs would have been sitting a while ago, which interested them because they liked to mess with the secret hindus for lack of other entertainment,and so it became a great sport in arab circles to draw a circle and secretively discuss it to draw out the secret hindus and then to beat the living daylights out of them but the need to keep all of this a secret from the secret hindus lead them to name it the cypher.

And so it happened, that the arabs stumbled upon the cypher, mistaking it for what it just was not though at the end of the day the game caught on and travelled to the maghreb where the mystical spicy muslim orient met the bone headed mediaeval christianity of the erstwhile day, peopled by christians who thought every practice but their own a sin and attributed sinful motives to everything that was not their own, so when they saw arabs playing with these luscious circle, they could not but help bunching up the sacred circle with the barbaric profanity of other heathen people, thinking the circle to be the symbol of the feminine apperture, they attacked the use of the circle and the game that surrounded it, though they could not anticipate the sexual frustration that had built into the christians who wanted to use the circle as freely as the muslims did but were held back by papal decrees asking for restraint, and so this sexual frustration gave rise to the secret meetings of the circle where the availability of the number of circles was indicated to the interested men, who greatly outnumbered the women, thereby giving rise to the need for a symbol which would also indicate the number of men and hence a straight line to symbolise the erect members of a man was devised which was later called one just to clarify the number of erect members each of the lines signified, which lead to the convention of indicating one's and zeroes on the parchment which announced the secret meeting of the circles.

And so it happened, that zero arrived in all the major civilizations of the world, except the Chinese, who aren't very major because they have small dicks, which besides being totally irrelevant is very insulting to a lot of my friends, so continuing with the ones and the zeroes, people in europe kept at it in their own combinations of ones and zeroes, until one remarkable englishman called george boole observed that the combination of ones and zeroes corresponded rather exactly with the number of people present at the gang bang, thereby laying the foundation of the binary system, which lead to the modern software industry, after which, finally the zero, collared by the ones and packed into computers arrived back in india, requiring millions of hormone zapped young people to move to strange towns for a job in the software industry and to find their own binary sex life waiting to happen to them, thereby completing the circle from right where it had begun-in India and in a wasteful circle -just the way the naked yogi had predicted, just like his own spiritual revelation of the circle, which ended up like the dog grooming itself- In a circle of nothingness.